Despite what many worried parents might think, there are a lot of positives in having a child with a fearful temperament.
That’s according to a new book on parenting coauthored by Maria Gartstein, a Washington State University developmental psychologist with over 20 years of research experience whose work was featured in an episode of the award-winning Netflix series “Babies.”
In Parenting with Temperament in Mind: Navigating the Challenges and Celebrating Your Child’s Strengths, Gartstein and coauthor Liliana Lengua, director of the Center for Child and Family Well-being at the University of Washington, set out to make scientific insights into infant temperament accessible and practical for parents. Their book is grounded in the assertion that temperament is not a problem to fix but a set of biologically grounded traits with both pros and cons that shape a child’s behavior from infancy through elementary school, and beyond.
“For example, a child who is on the fearful end of the spectrum is probably hesitant about tackling new experiences, but you don’t have to work very hard to get that child to follow rules,” Gartstein said. “Once they understand that a rule exists to benefit them in terms of safety, they probably don’t need many reminders to not run into the street as opposed to a child on the other end of the fear spectrum, who is fearless.”
Gartstein and Lengua start by breaking down decades of their own research to explain the neurobiological foundations of challenging temperament characteristics in an accessible way.
“We wanted to make it clear that parents’ actions are not solely responsible for their child’s disposition,” Gartstein said. “For parents who might blame themselves for their child’s fear or impulsivity, this perspective offers both relief and empowerment.”
The researchers also offer practical assessment tools. These allow parents to identify their child’s temperament traits and reflect on their own parenting style. By gaining this self-awareness, Gartstein said parents can better navigate their relationship with their child and make more informed choices about how to guide them.
Gartstein’s own experiences as a mother also add a personal touch to the book. She describes her challenges raising a highly active and willful daughter, using these stories to illustrate the biological underpinnings of children’s behavior that can frustrate parents.
“I was absolutely the parent who was sometimes horrified at the grocery store when my daughter was grabbing things off the racks in the checkout aisle,” Gartstein said. “But in many ways, my experiences as a parent helped make the implications of the work I was doing as a researcher even more crystal clear. There are biological roots to your child’s temperament and by understanding these it becomes much easier to realize your goals for your child.”
